i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
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It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
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