you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
