Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
