apparently the secret to your success is patron
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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