he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
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Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
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I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
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