You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
