i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
