I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
