dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
