I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
