when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
