just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
