Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
