Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
