He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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