I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
