We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
