Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
