Don't make out with my wife yet
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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