well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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