I wish I only lived at night.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
