Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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