eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Im part way to drunk.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
