when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
