My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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