my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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