New invention idea: vibrating tampons
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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