alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
