Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
We had to coat check the pizza.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
