He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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