Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm both gender and math confused
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
