how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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