I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
