I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
