I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
