I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
