it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
