If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We need a shit load of segways right now
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
