OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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