if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
