just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
