Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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