The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
