I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
nutella sex= disaster
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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