So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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