PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I can text with my tongue
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
