I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
