OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
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I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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