Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I want a musical about memes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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