We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
