I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
