the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He? As in you personified your dick?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize