god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
