I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
