Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
