Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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