Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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