Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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