Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
