When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
