there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
