Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
