Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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