Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
